So when I moved back to Perth and May I started looking for a job. I first looked to my previous employer, B&Q, since I had a good time there last year, and although it was minimum wage, the work’s alright and it would allow me to clear my student debts eventually, before making the move to Glasgow. They weren’t hiring so I started applying to pretty much everything on S1Jobs. I’ve sent my CV to everything from Tech Support for a second-hand car company to selling bikes at Halfords, even getting a telephone interview from a call centre. After sending out probably upwards of 100 CVs I was nearly ready to sign onto Jobseekers until I find a cleaner job or some bollocks. I know it’s only been perhaps 8 weeks since I got back to Perth, and many people have been seeking jobs for months and years, but I was getting really rather depressed.

That was until last Thursday when I was awoken by my telephone.

“Hi, it’s <redacted> from <redacted> in Glasgow, is that Ruairidh Barnes?”

“Yes, speaking…”

“Hi, we’d like to invite you to an interview”

My face lit up. Glasgow!

“Excellent, would Wednesday be okay?”

“Yes, Wednesday at 1pm? I’ll send you an email with details”

I said thanks and we hung up. Excellent.

I was going to be in Glasgow on Wednesday anyway due to seeing Iron Maiden, so that made for a long day. I spent the week reading everything I could about the company, and the man who was interviewing me. He went to the same uni as me, he was a research fellow in the department with which I was a member. Perhaps the fact that I left would stand against me? I was pretty nervous. I’m not really qualified on paper for a Graduate Software Engineer job, I think. Although I was as confident as I could be given the circumstances, nobody I think truly believed I had a chance.

So I got me a shirt and a tie and had a shave and left for Glasgow. Then I got on the bus to the company offices. I was 10 minutes early because I roll like that.

“Hi, I’m <redacted>, you’re Ruairidh Barnes?”

We shook hands and he led me into the interview room. This is unlike any interview room I’ve seen on TV, I thought. 3 very comfy lounge chairs and a whiteboard. The man wasn’t even wearing a tie! This is my kind of interview. He asked me what I knew about the company, I told him, standard stuff. Then we got onto the technical questions.

“Please explain polymorphism”

I know this. I use it all the time in personal projects. And yet my mind drew a blank. That’s it, I thought, interview’s over. I’ve fucked up. Oh well. Waste of a tie.

I started babbling some bullshit. He was clearly unimpressed, but asked me to write out some code on paper, using polymorphism. I did so since it was simple enough and he seemed happy enough.

“Right, well, I’d be delighted to offer you the job!”

Wait, what?

“If you had a degree, we’d pay you <more>, but we’ll start you off on <excellent for no degree>, you understand, right?”

Wait, what?

Like, seriously, what?

“You’ll start on the 1st of August, 2 weeks of training then straight onto projects, depending on what we have”

He gave me a tour of the office, and with a promise of receiving the contract in the mail, I left. I was expecting some catch, but it simply didn’t come. I am literally the best person ever.

I start my career on the 1st of August. I’m excited.

I grew bored of that fairly quickly. I doubt anyone really listened to the stuff I posted anyway, and most of the days are pretty boring. There’s a couple that I’d still like to do, though.

Day 13: A song that is a guilty pleasure

I would only call this a guilty pleasure because of the lyrics. They’re truly hurtful and disgusting, however I love the music itself. It’s quite sad really.

Day 14: A song that no one would expect you to love

I’m a metalhead, and as such people seem to be surprised if I’m listening to something that’s not metal or by a metal band. One of my favourite live bands are The Decemberists.

Here’s one of their songs I recently enjoyed live.

Day 20: A song that you listen to when you’re angry

When I’m angry, for some reason I don’t want to calm down. I want to listen to angry music. A lot of the music I listen to would be considered by most to be “angry”, due to guttural vocals, a high BPM, shredding guitars and so on. That’s not angry music. That said, though, it’s fantastic to listen to when you are angry.

Here is a song.

Day 21: A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 21: A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Day 24: A song that you want to play at your funeral

I want my funeral to be a happy thing. Not because I’m dead, but because the attendees are not. I’ve only been to one funeral in my life, and it was a truly awful thing. From the bullshit religion to the bullshit people telling you it’s okay to be sad and cry. Y’think? Fuck you.

So, I’d donate my body to science and have no real funeral as such. I’d much rather people went to the pub and had a few too many drinks and had fun. Listen to music, tell stories. Start bar brawls. Be awesome.

And because I’m fucking dead, I couldn’t give the tiniest shit about what music is played. I couldn’t actually give the tiniest shit about what people do, being dead. So I won’t choose a song for this day, because when I’m dead, I’d rather you did.

Day 29: A song from your childhood

Along the same lines as Murray, musically my childhood was dominated by Meat Load and Bon Jovi. I don’t much remember hearing the good Meat Loaf stuff, mostly his awful 1980s stuff. Still, this song stands particularly strongly in my nostalgia banks. It’s because it used the word “shit” and I thought I was all rebellious and badass if I sang along.

I recently saw this band live at the O2 ABC. The lineup was excellent that evening, Ensiferum and Amon Amarth supporting Children of Bodom. Bodom, as expected were a bit shit. Ensiferum lacked stage presence unfortunately, but were musically excellent. Amon Amarth though, whoah. They were, for lack of a better word, brutal. They sounded amazing and got the crowd going mental. The pits were intense, the 12 year olds who were there for Bodom got mauled. It was glorious.

Here’s a song of theirs that they played and I really enjoyed.

And here’s the original power metal version:

I like to sing this song when no one can hear me. It’s a good song.

Day 6: A song that reminds you of somewhere.

I used to play quite a bit of World of War

craft, I’m not ashamed to admit. I never was one for listening to the sound track of the game, as good as it is, while playing, so I would always listen to my own music. Usually, when levelling through a particular zone, I would listen to one artist, or album at a time. Whenever I hear this song I think of the old Darkshore. Killing those imps and Naga and Bears. Good times.

Day 7: A song that reminds you of a certain event

“Alex, Destroyer of Cunts” by Exploding Cunt Tumor.

‘Nuff Said, really.

Bruce Dickinson is awesome.

So as you can imagine, choosing a least favourite song is quite a challenge. I hate so many songs. But one more than any actually makes me feel physically sick when I’m forced to hear it. I actually had to mute my PC while I went looking for it on YouTube, lest I risk hearing it. Disgusting.

That’s it. This fucking song.